I was working with a beautiful group of women this spring, exploring what it is to listen and express from the heart. We were opening to the simplicity of just being present for whatever shows up, without any agenda of our own. Of course it’s not so easy to just snap your fingers and make all your egoic agendas vanish, but with a lot of willingness, many of our habitual preoccupations were falling away.  At one point one of the women said to me, “But we do have agendas.”

“Of course, “ I said, “sometimes agendas are appropriate.”
“Then what to do?” she asked, “Try to get rid of them, one by one?”
“No,” I said, “that kind of practice will only create conflict. What you can do is just keep noticing, not with your mind, but with your whole being- heart, body and breath. Notice how it feels when you have an agenda, an expectation, a demand, and notice how it feels when you don’t.”

After saying that, my own awareness seemed to open to a deeper level. I began to notice in such a simple way how my body feels when I am holding any kind of agenda. There’s a tightness, a hardness, a solidity. When I am simply present, everything softens, expands. Without making any kind of value judgment in the mind, my body simply recognizes the basic sanity of being present. It feels good. The more I noticed, the more I could feel my deeper being returning to presence, again and again, all by itself. In some spiritual teachings, this natural movement is called ‘the homing instinct.’ (I first heard it expressed this way in ‘The Radiant Mind’ course with Peter Fenner.)

Without a sense of this natural movement inside us, life can be quite bewildering. I was talking to a brilliant young woman in France last week. When I asked her what she wanted, she replied with great candor, “Shayla, that is the most terrifying question of all.” Her response was so genuine that it stayed with me, and I pondered it for days. I realized that the vast majority of the people I work with do not have a clear sense of what they really want. Isn’t that amazing? There is often a sense of shame or helplessness that comes along with this, as if this not knowing is a sign of something wrong, a flaw or weakness. In my heart I know that this is not true, that there is another way to look at this phenomenon. How could so many people not know what they really want?

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Dear -----

Here is an on-going inquiry for you to engage in: 

Drop each question into the body, into the heart, into your being, and then just breathe, relax and listen for what comes up in response. Allow yourself not to know as you listen. Be ready to discover something new about yourself.

Don’t put pressure on your mind to answer these questions. It will try to, but the real answer comes along with a felt sense in the body.

· What do I want?
· What has this present way of being cost me?
· What small steps could I take in my life that feel do-able, not overwhelming, in the direction of aliveness, newness, and creativity? (example: How could I start off my day differently?  Could I go to work a different way? Could I change the furniture around in one room? Could I write for ten minutes a day?)

Play with these questions. Put them on your fridge, your computer and your bathroom mirror. Live with them, and see what gifts they bring you. Any question you have the courage to live with, will bring you gifts, sooner or later.