It’s no secret that the emotion of anger is one of the most challenging things we have to deal with as human beings. In the work I do with people on communication, I see a lot of deep confusion about anger. And it’s a very natural confusion. Most people, especially ones involved in any kind of work on themselves, or in a spiritual practice, want to be kind and loving human beings. As our awareness of our oneness grows, there’s an implicit understanding that arises in our heart: if I hurt you, I hurt me. We are not separate, on the level of our true nature.

The problem with all these wonderful intentions arises when something happens to trigger our anger. Anger seems wrong, bad, divisive and destructive. There has been a lot of research done in the last ten years about how emotions affect us. The Dalai Lama talks about it a lot, and people like Candace Pert, who writes about the way emotions affect every cell in our bodies. This research has shown conclusively that if we hold on to anger, it has a very destructive effect on our health.  It even changes the shape of our brains. Our brain turns out to be a very soft and pliable thing. (See the articles on ‘neuro-plasticity’ )

Here is the key. Anger that is held onto is what is destructive. It is anger suppressed and denied that creates all the violence we see in our world. I’ve noticed again and again that whenever they interview the neighbors or co-workers of serial killers or mass murderers, they usually all say the same thing: “He seemed like a nice enough man-very quiet, a little withdrawn. I could never have imagined him being this violent!”

What does this mean? That we should all go out and vent our anger and frustration on the first person we meet? Obviously not. It means that when anger arises in you, it never works to condemn it, judge it as bad or wrong. Anything that arises in us needs to be met and experienced directly, just as it is. If we blame someone else for our anger, or if we blame ourselves, we will not be able to meet our anger and open to the inner experience of it.
And that is the only way we can learn to deal with it.
(More in the next blog)