I was working with a beautiful group of women this spring, exploring what it is to listen and express from the heart. We were opening to the simplicity of just being present for whatever shows up, without any agenda of our own. Of course it’s not so easy to just snap your fingers and make all your egoic agendas vanish, but with a lot of willingness, many of our habitual preoccupations were falling away. At one point one of the women said to me, “But we do have agendas.”
“Of course, “ I said, “sometimes agendas are appropriate.”
“Then what to do?” she asked, “Try to get rid of them, one by one?”
“No,” I said, “that kind of practice will only create conflict. What you can do is just keep noticing, not with your mind, but with your whole being- heart, body and breath. Notice how it feels when you have an agenda, an expectation, a demand, and notice how it feels when you don’t.”
After saying that, my own awareness seemed to open to a deeper level. I began to notice in such a simple way how my body feels when I am holding any kind of agenda. There’s a tightness, a hardness, a solidity. When I am simply present, everything softens, expands. Without making any kind of value judgment in the mind, my body simply recognizes the basic sanity of being present. It feels good. The more I noticed, the more I could feel my deeper being returning to presence, again and again, all by itself. In some spiritual teachings, this natural movement is called ‘the homing instinct.’ (I first heard it expressed this way in ‘The Radiant Mind’ course with Peter Fenner.)
Without a sense of this natural movement inside us, life can be quite bewildering. I was talking to a brilliant young woman in France last week. When I asked her what she wanted, she replied with great candor, “Shayla, that is the most terrifying question of all.” Her response was so genuine that it stayed with me, and I pondered it for days. I realized that the vast majority of the people I work with do not have a clear sense of what they really want. Isn’t that amazing? There is often a sense of shame or helplessness that comes along with this, as if this not knowing is a sign of something wrong, a flaw or weakness. In my heart I know that this is not true, that there is another way to look at this phenomenon. How could so many people not know what they really want?
For me, this is a sign of how out of touch we are with our authentic being. What we relate to as our self is our conceptual self- the ideas, memories and images we have of who we are. There is really nothing wrong with this, but it has nothing to do with our living experience. If we open to the alive and present sense of who we are, we notice that everything is fluid, and unfixed, even our own identity. As Bucky Fuller put it, “You are not a noun, you’re a verb.” In Buddhism they refer to it as our mind stream. This stream is who we are, not this solid, separate identity.
What happens when we really allow ourselves to be in touch with this flowing, unfixed experience of ourselves? At first it can be bewildering, disorienting. But after a while, a clarity, a brightness begins to shine. Whenever we stay with our own experience, the natural intelligence within us starts to reveal itself. Insights, flashes of deep wisdom and compassion appear out of nowhere. And we know what it is that we want. We know it in the same simple obvious way that we know we are hungry.
No one else can ever tell us when are hungry, I could read a thousand books about hunger, take a course, get a degree in hunger management, and I still wouldn’t know. It’s the same with our genuine longings. People often look so disappointed when I let them know this truth: no one can tell you what you really want. I feel them thinking, “You were supposed to help me and you’re not giving me a damn thing.” This is what happens when we lose touch with who we really are. We forget that there is something deep inside us that we can trust, without imposing rules, standards and ‘shoulds’ on ourselves.
We live our life according to our parents, or our society, or the experts, or according to what was meaningful and alive for us last year, not now. All we have is this little shining moment. And in every single moment, we have access to this natural movement in us, this homing instinct, this basic sanity.
“Everyone has inside them, what can I call it?
A piece of good news.” (Ugo Betti)
with love
Shayla
Barefoot Coaching
Personal Coaching and Numerology Readings:
Even if your parents, colleagues, children or partner don’t understand what really lights you up inside, that doesn’t matter. You were not born to be anyone else but yourself. There will never be another you. This is your life, given to you as a free gift. You can find out how to live it with integrity, passion and courage. You can discover resources inside yourself that your conditioned mind knows nothing about. Who you really are is something more than you can ever imagine. It’s absolutely true what Marianne Williamson said: “What we are really afraid of is not our smallness, but our greatness.”
Coaching with a buddy or friend.
If you have a friend who is interested in coaching, consider working with them. You can split your hour with me into two 30 minute sessions. For some people, this can be a profound experience of deep learning and sharing, as well as reducing the coaching fee by half.
Call me for a free initial consultation. Coaching happens just as well by phone as in person. 250.352.7908, or 1.866.795.4968
Barefoot Journeys Courses and Retreats
‘Widening the River of Yoga’-a one month course
Mon. June 18-July 9, 9:45-11:45
Or Wed. June 20-July 11
Shanti Yoga Studio, Nelson
‘The Heart of Communication’ for Couples
June 22-24
Om Yoga Studio, Nelson
‘Women in the Wisdom Years’ Retreat
1) July 6-8, Om Yoga Studio, Nelson
2) Sept 11-16, Mountain Waters Retreat Centre, Nelson
The Gift of Presence Retreats:
June 28- Evening Retreat, 7-9:30pm, Shayla’s Home Studio, Nelson
July 5- Evening Retreat, 7-9:30pm, Shayla’s Home Studio, Nelson
Aug. 7-12, Mountain Waters Retreat Centre, Nelson
‘The Alchemy of Writing’ Retreats:
Sat. June 30, half day retreat, 2-6pm, Shayla’s Home Studio, Nelson
July 20-22, Yoga/writing retreat, Nelson
August 18, 2-5pm, Johnson’s Landing Retreat Centre, BC
Details, descriptions and fees for all of the workshops, course and retreats are on my website. Please call me if you would like to talk about any of them.
Feedback from my readers:
I really like hearing from you. Send me your thoughts and responses. I read all these emails myself.
If you would like me to come to your town or city and give a talk, a workshop or retreat, give me a call or email me.
This material is copyrighted. You may reprint any of it in your newsletter, blog or forum, provided you include the full copyright information and link back to http:// http://www.barefootjourneys@netidea.com
Welcome to our new subscribers. If you enjoyed this lifeletter, please send it to a friend. If you wish to subscribe, (it comes out every few weeks) just email me. I respect your privacy and will not share your personal information with anyone else. Please put my email address in your email ‘friends’ list to be sure that you receive it, and send me your new contact info if you change your email address. You can unsubscribe at any time by replying with ‘Remove’ in the subject box. To read back issues of my lifeletters, go to my website at http://www.barefootjourneys.net
0 
