·Freedom and Truth-2 core aspects of love
The nature of love is that it gives total freedom to the other person. This does not mean that they can do whatever they want, when they want. This is a very immature understanding of freedom.
The kind of freedom we are speaking of respects their basic human rights:
Their right to keep private whatever they want to
Their right to speak or remain silent.
Their right to take their own space when they need to-ie leave the room , even when you are wanting to engage them in conversation
Their right to go out and spend time with friends, without having to report back to you.
· Building trust-another key aspect of love
Every time we promise something, or make an agreement with our partner, and do not come through, we erode the space of trust between us. Healing broken trust can sometimes take a long time, but the process is very simple:
Do not make a single promise that you do not intend to keep.
And be sure that both you and your partner are clear about the specific nature of the promise or agreement.
For example, don’t just say you will call. Specify the day and time.
· Growing Up Emotionally
As long as I believe that I need my partner in order to be happy, I am
actually engaging in a form of emotional slavery, or addiction. My
partner is my fix, and without them, I am lonely, lost and unfulfilled.
Growing up emotionally means that I begin discovering my own
resources for joy, inspiration and fulfillment.
Each one of us knows
deep inside, what real love is all about. That’s why we instinctively
move away, when our partner becomes needy and desperate for our
company.
No matter what you do in order to make your relationship
work, the bottom line is learning to sustain yourself emotionally.
This means that your relationship is no longer about fulfilling your
needs. Nor are you there to fulfill the needs of your partner.
Instead you are both already okay without each other.
When you come together, you meet as two people who are interested in giving and
receiving love and intimacy from a place of deep mutual respect and
freedom. And on an even deeper level, you begin to meet as one being,
in the form of what appears to be two separate people.
· What are your motives?
Why do you want to engage in this whole process? Your deepest intention is the bottom line.
If your intention is clear, if you really know what you want and why- you have a genuine chance of success.
This deep learning about love, intimacy and communication really only works when you are genuinely interested in the nature of real love, in living a life in which you can give and receive love, kindness and respect on all levels of your relationships.
If you are engaging in this process because you want your partner to come back, or be the way they were before, it is not going to work, because that has nothing to do with love.
If you are genuinely interested in transformation, not because of what you will get, but because of what you will be able to give, then your intention is aligned with the nature of love.
