Dear friends:
This morning on our phone call for ‘ The Integrity of the Heart’ course, we were exploring the nature of radical responsibility--how it is to actually see or feel that we create our own experience, moment to moment. One of the participants spoke about a difficult situation she was engaged in at work, and how opening to the sense that she was creating her own experience, her own response, actually had an immediate impact on what evolved for her in this situation.
We looked at the distinction between reaction and response. When I react, even if I am not conscious of it, I am making myself a victim, thinking that life is unfair, too much, or that things should not be happening the way they are. When I respond, it does not mean that I will not feel pain, fear, or even anger, but my view of the world, and of life, is entirely different.
Nelson Mandela’s 26 years in prison and a forced labor camp are a great example of someone who did not behave like a victim. Instead, he related to his guards with genuine respect and loving kindness, day after day. As a result, his guards became connected to him in such a way that they could not behave the way they were supposed to. They could not treat him as an object, as someone deserving punishment and brutality. The prison authorities had to keep replacing them with new guards.
One of the participants on the call spoke about how the understanding that we are responsible for our own experience created blame and self-judgment. We spoke about how this is just another extreme point of view. When we are resting in awareness, we can see so clearly that we create our own experience, and there is no blame or judgment attached to that seeing. Creating our own experience does not mean we create the events in our lives! And it does not mean that we can control the thoughts and feelings that arise in us. That is taking far too much responsibility--it’s a distorted view that leads to more suffering.
We spoke about the clarity that allows us to see that the voices in our head, and all the different points of view, are not our fault--these conditions are usually passed down to us through our whole genetic lineage. We have been trained to react in this way from a very young age. So these conditions, these ways of reacting, are not as personal as we think they are.
What a remarkable place to find myself: a human being who is truly willing to see that I am the one who creates my own experience. I realize that I am not a victim, and I also see that I did not create the conditioning that arises when I fall into reactivity. Can I control my experience? No. This is the crucial point we return to again and again. Then what does it mean to say that I am responsible?
It means that I can shine the light of awareness on my experience, and become more and more conscious of what is going on. I can see the kind of thoughts that feed into the emotions I am experiencing. I can take a good look at the suffering these thoughts and beliefs are causing in my life. And I can allow my experience to be just as it is, without struggling to change it, improve it, or transcend it.
The more I rest in awareness, without any judgment or blame or self-pity, the more everything starts to shift, all by itself.
And I start to see that the blame and shame and the self-judgment only get in the way of real responsibility. When blame and judgment arise, I can simply stop and ask myself, “Am I willing, in this moment, to hold my experience in loving kindness?” We don’t have to know how to do this--all we need is the willingness.
It’s a good question to live with on this Easter weekend, when we are celebrating the possibility of a way of being in which we know that ‘All is forgiven. All is forgiven. No-one is to blame.’
Happy Easter
love
Shayla
