Two kinds of Gratitude
It seems to me that gratitude, real gratitude, is something that springs directly from our true nature, our unconditioned being. It’s not something we can force, or produce, just because it seems like a good idea. But we can cultivate it, call it forth, invite it. And when we do this, gratitude has the power of a transforming force.
A few years ago I was exchanging gratitude emails with a friend. Every day we would send each other an email, expressing gratitude for something. It was fun. One day she told me how grateful she was for her clean sheets. Another day I told her how grateful I was for the chickadees on my bird feeder. I was feeling more and more open to the little things, the ‘ordinary magic’ of my life.
One evening I went out with some friends to a celebration. When I got home I realized I had taken a new purse with me, and that my house keys were in my backpack, inside the house. I was not happy to be locked out of my house. It was late and I was tired. I just wanted to go to bed. I realized I would have to drive 20 minutes out to my partner’s house, wake him up, and get the spare key from him, and then drive 20 minutes back. I went out to my car and just sat there, feeling more and more annoyed. Then a little, very quiet voice inside me asked this question: “Why can’t you be grateful for this?”
I was really surprised. It was clear to me, sitting in my car that night, that all of my gratitude was conditional, limited, based on my desires and preferences. I was only really grateful for what felt good to me, what I liked, what pleased me. All the rest were things I just put up with, barely tolerating them.
Since that evening I started following a new thread of inquiry. What is unconditional gratitude? What would life be like if I just welcomed everything, said yes to it all? What if life is really always bringing me everything I need?
Here’s what I notice. If I go through my day with a willingness to be open to this possibility, that life is bringing me what I need, I experience everything from a very different place. I don’t have to know this, I just have to be willing to entertain the possibility that Mick Jagger was right:
‘You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes
You just might find
You get what you need.’
