Notes from a non-dual coaching session
I was speaking with someone this morning on a non-dual coaching call. My client, whom I’ll call Bob, said to me, “I still feel separate most of the time. So I have this idea that something should change, there’s another place where I could be that is better than this. I’m just never clear about whether I exist or not. Sometimes I lose my sense of separation, but a lot of the time it’s still here. I’ve been wondering about this question for a long time.”
“Okay, “ I said to him. “Let’s stop right here for now. In non-dual practice, one of our main pointers is “What is natural?” Unconditioned awareness is the most natural state of all—totally uncontrived and unstructured. If I really appreciate this, then I can align my practice with something that is quite spontaneous and authentic, something arising from within me, rather than a set of instructions from outside.”
“If you, Bob, are experiencing this as a recurring question, then I hear that life is giving you this inquiry, offering this question to you as your natural koan: ‘Am I separate or not’?
What you can do is really make a lot of room in your being, and in your life, for this question. Welcome it, live with it, engage with it. Don’t try to find an answer with your mind. Take the question and drop it into your body. Release the energy from the head and let it flow down into your heart and belly. Feel the question: Am I separate? Where do I feel the separation? Don‘t grasp for a thought—just listen with your whole body.”
Bob sat for a minute in silence. Then he said, “That’s interesting. Something just arose in my awareness—a sense that there is this sense of myself, here, and it is distinct, but not separate. Just like the chest of drawers in my room. I see it, and it is distinct, but that doesn’t make it separate.”
“If I just let myself experience the distinctness of things, there is no problem. It’s when I add on the thought, “Oh I’m feeling separate and I shouldn’t be separate, that there is immediately a problem.”
“Yeah, I said.” “I’m noticing that too. Those distinctions are not in the way—they do nothing at all to impede the space of unconditioned awareness.”
For me, that’s the beauty of the non-dual. Sometimes it seems so abstract, so absolute, so empty. But those are all just ideas. We can stop looking in the mind, drop into our body, and connect with something simple and direct. The direct experience is one of profound non-violence, a deep gentleness and openness in every part of our being.
Did you ever fall into that place where you saw how much you struggle? And you realized there is no need. It’s not necessary to live like that. Was it disorienting? A big part of my life lately has been learning to live with that kind of disorientation.
I think that’s why community is so important. A non-dual sangha doesn’t have to be in one place. We can connect with each other by phone and email too. We don’t even have to call it a sangha—it’s just good company, which is an enormous blessing. We can really help and support each other in discovering this new way of being alive.
